A lot of things have happened in a very short time, too much to write. The Cliffsnotes version is down just a ways. It will explain (not very specifically) the past 5 or so years. But if you wanna know anything, just ask. The worst I can do is yell at you and not answer your question, right? LOL But, seriously, I’m a really hard person to offend. Gotta question or two, ask away.Speaking of offending people, some of you may not like some of what I have to say………….

I’m pagan.

I have been since I was 14, not a lot of people knew that before I put it here. Yes, I’m a Pagan. But I don’t “judge” people by their religion, nor do I form my opinions of someone by their religion. You might think, by looking at some of the things on this page, that I look down on Christains. That is not the case. I disagree with ANYONE that says their religion is the “only way” to live, or the “right” religion. I used to be an active member of the LUTHERAN CHURCH OF THE MASTER, although I was and am Pagan. There are a lot of similarities between my religion and what Jesus taught.

“Blessed Be” isn’t “some kind of spell” its a greeting used by my religion, as well as “Merry Meet”.

Back off the pentacles. If you want me to take off the symbol of MY religion (Wicca REALLY IS a religion, protected by the same First Amendment rights as other religions, not devil worship) because you think it’s “offensive”, you need to make everyone of every religion do the same. The 5 points of the star signify the four elements of Earth, Air, Fire & Water, and the fifth point is Spirit; encircled by the World. That’s not offensive.

An image of a tortured, dying man, nailed to a cross, suffocating bcz of his bodyweight and a hole in his side is so much more offensive; and yet thousands of people wear crucifixes every day, with no one asking THEM to take it off bcz its “offensive”.

I’m a very open-minded individual, and I do request that, as long as you’re on my page, you be one as well. Once you’re off my page, think whatever you want. You will anyway. If you “hate”, “loathe”, “despise”, “fear”, (etc.) Pagans, you’re on the wrong page. Don’t preach at me, or try to convert me. I’m not going to try to “convert” you, but, if you preach to me, I will correct you on the true origins of your religion.

To be perfectly honest, if what is on my page offends you, DON’T LOOK. If something I say offends you, DON’T TALK TO ME. If something I do offends you, GO AWAY. If I personally offend you, GOOD, I’VE FULFILLED MY GOAL FOR THE DAY, I REALLY DON’T CARE.

I know that sounded really rude, but I’ve gotten a lot of static for my page, because of my religion, my opinions, and my openness. I really don’t care. I’m entitled to my freedom of religion, my opinion, and my personality. I am ME, either deal with it or go away.

LET ME EXPLAIN…. NO, THERE IS TOO MUCH. LET ME SUM UP:

I’m recently divorced, recently I was staying with family because I was homeless. Somewhere along the way, I lost most of who I was, between my 3 children (Aurora 4, Aryann 3, and Andrew 2); my husband; being isolated; losing touch with all my friends; losing my children; losing my home; betting another home; getting my children back; losing my home again; losing my children again; being techinically homeless (sleeping mostly in “abandoned”, unused trailers w/ no running water or electricity; or in ppl’s living rooms on the floor/couch) for the better part of 2 years; breaking up and getting back together MANY times along the way; my husband getting stabbed; moving back in; the kids getting adopted out to his family; losing my home; and now staying with friends, that I’ve known for almost 10 years.

I am, once again, trying to put my life back together, the way I want it. Now I am Free To Be Me, the way I want to be. I’m not isolated any more, but I wasn’t allowed to have friends, so I never got to talk to very many people. I’ll be updating this more when I learn more about me…

I will use different names to protect the ppl mentioned here.  I’ll call him “Fred” and her “Susan”.  I was staying with ”Fred” and his wife “Susan”. I’ve moved out of there, I was in a relationship with both of them. ”Fred” was spending much more time with me, lavishing affection on me, while neglecting his wife. ”Susan” ended up going into a mental institution, then a mental transitional home, before she went back home to “Fred”. Then I left, bcz nothing was changing. I couldn’t deal with all that.  

“Fred” and “Susan” asked me to remove this post, as they feel that I have put up an incorrect telling of events.  I say, deal with it.  If you don’t like it, don’t look.  It says so on this very blog.  I have told my side, what I SAW, what other people SAW happening.  Several other peopole brought it to my attention, both before and after I noticed what was going on.  I’m not taking it down, its part of my history.  “Fred”, “Susan”, if you want the “correct” version, put it up yourself.  You didn’t even ask me to take it down in a comment, you invaded my privacy on MySpace, and bothered me there.  WTF?

I’m a very loyal person, tho, to those who have known me for-fucking-ever, it prolly doesn’t seem like it…….. But, if you’re important to me, if you’re one of my girls, or boys  I’ll ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU! 

A bit more abt me….

1** Your Name Is: }{pixie}{

2** You Were Born In: Sacramento, California

3** Your Birthday is: July 11, 1984

4** The Name Of Your Parents: Shawnn and John

5** The Name(s) Of Your Sibling(s): Meatball, Yaya and a bunch of adopted siblings

6** Type Of House You Live In: In between places of my own right now

7** What states have you been to: California, Nevada, Washington, Idaho, Oregon

8** Color Of Your Bathing Suit: Neon Orange

9** Color Of Eyes: Green and brown, they change color

10** Favorite Color: Burgundy, crimson, silver, hot pink, black and champange

11** Favorite Movie: Robin Hood (Disney)

12** Favorite TV Show(s): (Off-air/rerun only) Buffy, Charmed, Angel (On air) CSI (original only, NOT NY or Miami), House, LA Ink, The Suite Life of Zach and Cody, MythBusters

13** Favorite Band(s): Disturbed, Ozzy, Three Days Grace, and many MANY more

14** Favorite Actor: Johnny Depp (no, I’m not a sell out, it has nothing to do with him being hot or not, or Pirates at all.)

15** Favorite Item of Clothing: Sleepy Pants

16** Other Screen Names: PixieDustGlimmer

17** School: William Daylor High School

18** Smoke Cigarettes: Every day

19** Favorite Restaurant: Chili’s

20** Person Of Interest Right Now: Jason

21** Ever Gone Skinny Dipping: Yup yup, back in the day lol

22** What Do You Sleep In: Big shirts and sleepy pants

23** Favorite Candy: Chocolate, plain

24** Favorite Person To Talk To On-line: Daniel

25** Honeymoon: Germany, Ireland, Scotland, and Italy

26** Place To Vacation: Dunno, I don’t go on vacations

27** Scariest Movie: IT, with Pennywise the clown. My cousins were fucked up to me with it, and I read the book before that.

29** Stupidest Movie: Scary Movie (any of them), Date Movie, JUNO or Secret Window

30** Hobbies: Reading, listening to music, watching movies or hanging out with friends

31** Toothpaste: What the fuck kind of stupid question is this??

32** Your Toothbrush color: Pink white and silver

33** Favorite Holiday: Halloween, it came from a pagan holiday (my religion)

34** Favorite Day Of The Week: Saturday

35** Lucky Number: 13

36** Favorite Season: Autumn

37** Nationality: American (heritage: German, Norweigan, English, Danish, Irish, Scottish, and Italian)

38** College Going To Go To: If I go, probably a community college or trade school that you see ads for on tv

39** Favorite Comic: Johnny the Homicidal Maniac or X-Men

40** Favorite Super Hero: Gambit or Rogue form X-Men

41** TV commercial with best clothes: I don’t wear that preppy shit they show on tv

41** Favorite Store: Evanelines or Spencers

42** TV show you would like to live on: Charmed

43** Favorite Song(s): Depends on my mood

44** Favorite Sport: Football

45** Worst Mistake You Ever Made: Marrying an asshole

46** Ever Been In Love: Yeah

47** If you were an animal, what would you be: A white tiger or snowy owl (smart me, both are endangered species lol)

48** Last CD You Bought: I dunno, it was a long time ago

49** Last Movie You Saw: Just got done watching Hellboy then National Treasure 2

50** Favorite TV channel: Discovery Channel

51** Ever Been Arrested: Arrested, no; picked up/brought home by the cops, yeah; handcuffed and put in the back of the cop car, yeah

52** Ever Been In An Accident: Yeah, a couple

53** Ever Had To Have Surgery: Yup

54** Kind Of Bike You Had As A Kid: I dunno, don’t remember

55** What size shoe do you wear? 6 in mens, 8 in women’s

56** Favorite Mall: Downtown Plaza, Old Sac is right there too lol

57** Web Page: Myspace

58** AOL 3.0 Or 4.0: Fuck if I know

59** Kind Of Phone: Samsung, with a dead battery and a fried charger

60** Own Phone Line: No, only cell

61** Pager: No, I have a cell phone, why do I need a pager?

62** Lefty Or A Righty: Right handed

63** How Many Hours Do You Talk On The Phone: Depends on who I’m talking to, when my battery isn’t dead

64** When Did You Get AOL: Dunno

65** Favorite Food: Chinese food

66** What Would You Want To Do If You Got Drunk: Uuuummmmm…. Well……….. Sometimes I can get pretty uuuuummmmm……. Handsy………. Touchy-feely………… Some would say innapproprtate……

67** Do You Like Your Name: Nope

68** If Not, What Would You Rather Be Named: Dunno, I like a lot of names that I think would suit me better

69** What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up: A writer, I have stuff in the works as we speak

70** Do you believe in the supernatural: Yup yup

71** What Time Are You Going To Sleep Tonight: Whenever I feel like it

72** Favorite Disney Character: Robin Hood, or the Cheshire Cat

73** What do you remember most about this year? APRIL 17th, I BECAME OFFICIALLY DIVORCED!!!!!!!

74** What do you think of Ouija Boards?: SO NOT a game

75** Guys, with or without hats? Depends on their hair

6** What’s on your mouse pad? No mousepad, I’m on a laptop

77** Favorite concert you have been to? Ozzfest!!! With Black Sabbath headlining. Marilyn Manson kissed me!! But the Disturbed concert in Memorial Auditiorium runs a close second

78** In the car, AC or open windows? Windows, never really had a car that had a working AC

79** Favorite board game: What the hell?

80** Favorite drink: Alcoholic or not? lol

81** Favorite sound: My kids laughing

82** Favorite smell: Dad’s adoboe or fresh baked bread

83** Drinks with or without ice cubes? Without, ice makes it watery

84** Favorite thing to do on the weekends: Hang out with friends

85** Favorite soundtrack: Phantom of the Opera

86** What was the first thing you thought to yourself when you woke up this morning: “Thank you Goddess, for letting me wake up next to him.”

87** Do you get motion sickness: When I’m pregnant I do, other thatn that, very rarely

88** Pen or pencil: Pen

89** How many rings before you answer the phone: Depends on where I leave my phone

90** Are you a good friend: I try to be, but I have a tendency to disappear on ppl sometimes

91** Chocolate or vanilla cake: Not really a cake eater

92** Do you like to Drive: I don’t know how to drive

93** Thunderstorms-scary or cool: Beautiful

94** What is your Zodiac sign: Cancer

95** Do you have a job? Not at the moment……… officially…….

96** Pierced Anywhere? 8 in my ears, lip, tounge

97** If you could have a tattoo, what and where would it be: There are a lot that I wanna get

98** What is your favorite brand of gum: I don’t really chew gum?

99** What’s on the walls in your room?: Don’t have a room of my own….

100** Which one, Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi

101** What is under your bed: Don’t have my own bed

102** What kind of car do you drive right now: I don’t drive

103** What is your dream car: 1967 Ford Mustang GT500

104** Date: today? I dunno, look up at the top of this blog page

105** Are You Single? Nope

106** Any Pets? None that are mine

107** What City do you live in: HELL lol

108** Fave Music: Rock, alternative, punk, punk rock, metal

109** Favorite Month: Dunno

110** Favorite part of the paper: COMICS!!!!

Something I put in a blog on my MySpace…..

COPY AND PASTE INTO A MESSAGE TO ME.

I wanna see who answers, who really cares, and who really knows me.

1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. How have I affected you?

5. What do you think of me?

6. What’s the fondest memory you have of me?

7. How long do you think we will be friends?

8. Do you love me?

9. Do you have a crush on me?

10. Would you kiss me?

11. Would you hug me?

12. Physically, what stands out?

13. Emotionally, what stands out?

14. Do you wish I was cooler?

15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?

16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

17. Am I loveable?

18. How long have you known me?

19. Describe me in one word.

20. What was your first impression?

21. Do you still think that way about me now?

22. What do you think my weakness is?

23. Do you think I’ll get married?

24. What makes me happy?

25. What makes me sad?

26. What reminds you of me?

27. If you could give me anything what would it be?

28. How well do you know me?

29. When’s the last time you saw me?

30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?

31. Do you think I could kill someone?

32. Have we ever had sex?

33. Would you do anything sexual with me?

34. Are you going to put this on your MYSPACE and see what I say about you?

It got a lot of replies, but not really from the ppl I wanted to reply. lol

Alright, y’all, I put up there ^^^ how my kids got adopted out. Here is what happened at the court date 6 months before, while I was still trying to get them back. (If I could bring them home, I would. I tried, I did EVERYTHING that they asked me to, and I still couldn’t bring them home.)

I went to court on Monday, May 21. It was about my kids, as always. I was told several times by the social worker and my attorney (and of course my mom chimed in whenever I was in a good mood) that it was 99.99% likely that the kids would be adopted out. Every court date, I woke up feeling like somebody hit me in the chest with a brick, and this day was no exception.

My chest hurt, I couldn’t breathe, my body was overheating, everything sounded muffled, I couldn’t stop shaking, I hadn’t eaten cuz it felt like it wouldn’t stay down. I was sure that the worst was going to happen.

I overslept that morning, woke up with a migrane, got tangled in my blankets getting out of bed, didn’t notice I was tangled and fell on my face, slipped on my ass in the shower, bashed my elbow, the dog laid on my good black pants so I had to wear the ones with a saftey pin on the zipper, and I couldn’t drink any coffee bcz I didn’t have time. It was just one of those days, man. One of those days. I was having a horrible day, right from the start. How could it possibly get better when it started out that bad?

I got to the courthouse on time, lucky for me. I went to the elevator to go to the right floor and it was packed! I’m claustrophobic (having an unreasonable, irrational morbid fear of small, enclosed spaces) and agoraphobic (having an unreasonable, irrational morbid fear of large amounts of people in close proximity), not to mention just plain scared of elevators. I debated on waiting for the next one, but the lobby was literally full with people waiting for the elevators. And I was about to be late. Stairs? Restricted access except in the case of an emergency. Damn! No choice but to pile into the can with the rest of the sardines, I mean get into the elevator with the other people.

I’m freaking out at this point, thinking ‘Can this day get any worse before I go into the courtroom?’ The elevator stops on the second floor and 7 people get off. Only 2 get on, so there’s a bit more room to breathe, not that I could breathe anyway. ‘Ok, things are getting a bit better.’ Then the elevator gets to the third floor, where I needed to be. I go to the check-in line. ‘SHIT! There’s a bunch of people in front of me! DAMN IT!!!‘ I looked at the clock. 1:34. ‘FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!! I’m late!’

Finally I get up to the window, and the bitch there is dumb-fucked retarded. She’s on the phone (a personal call), having a conversation abt what to eat for lunch with someone behind the counter and not listening to my answers to her questions. She asked me 4 times how to spell “SMITH”. ‘How god damned hard is it?!? WTF, bitch?!?!?!?!’

I finally get checked in and I look at the clock again. 1:48. ‘Son of a bitch!!’ I go sit down in the waiting area in front of the department my case is assigned to. I’m not sitting down but maybe 2 minutes and the case-caller brings out the report. I take it, and I’m on page 8 when my attorney comes out and calls me into the private room to talk.

“It’s not looking good,” he says. “The recommendation is to continue the father’s services, but to terminate yours. You do understand that if the judge agrees to the recommendation, their will be another hearing in 2 to 4 months where your parental rights will be stripped?”

“Yes, But I don’t want that to happen. How do I stop it?”

“We have very limited options. You can tell the judge some of your testimony today, and I can try to get it continued again, but I don’t want to do that unless you’re sure you’ll have something to show when we come back to court in a few weeks. What you’re lacking is stable housing, and a job. Another option is for me to tell the judge, with your ex-husband’s consent, that you are requesting the children be placed with his grandmother. Then in 2 to 4 months your rights will still be terminated. Your only other option is to hope the judge will give you both more reunification.”

I showed him paperwork about my second round of counseling, and that I am enrolled in an Independant Study High School Completion program. He took those to the judge. And then we were called into court. And the whole time I’m thinking ‘I’m fucked, I’m fucked, I’m fucked! I’M-FUCKED-I’M-FUCKED-I’M-FUCKED-I’M-FUCKED-I’M-FUCKED-I’M-FUCKED-I’M-FUCKED!!!!’

This is getting long, and you’re prolly bored by now, so I’ll just tell you.

The judge ordered 6 months of reunification services and a housing referral for both of us.

Now, for a change of pace……….

Heaven

To look in your eyes,
to see into your heart and soul,
The world would stand still,
transcend time and space

To hear your voice say my name,
soft and low, just a whisper,
To look at you there in front of me,
able to touch your face

To feel your arms around me,
the warmth of your body againt mine,
Feeling our hearts beat in unison,
hearing you breathe as we lay together

To see a smile light up your face,
the sun can’t compare
Waking up to you in the morning,
in your arms, cuddled and safe

Heaven…

Liliana “Pixie” Silver

Copyright ©2007

---

I wrote this poem about someone that I care about, tho we’ve never really met. (It’s complicated…) I was half asleep, and I wrote it after a dream that made me think “Maybe love does exist….”I find that unlikely for me, but I am nominated for Poet of the Year bcz of this, and it might be getting published. I’m proud of me. YAY ME!!!I wrote that abt Paul Harrison Benedict. Then, a few months later…………It’s been a while, I really should have put this up earlier, but there’s been too much going on and I didn’t have MySpace access.I’ll love Paul forever. I never told anyone that I was IN LOVE with him, although I was married to someone else at the time, and we never “met” face to face. Paul and I met thru my best friend in the whole world, James. Paul was James’ best friend out in PA. Paul and I talked almost every day for a year; the very first time we talked on the phone, we talked for 9 hours, slept, woke up and IMed all day, then talked on the phone all night again. We did that for months, there was no periods of silence in those phone calls, and we NEVER ran out of things to talk abt. I had talked to Paul just a few days before and told him that I cared very deeply abt him, but I never told him HOW deeply. I’d realized that I was IN LOVE with him months before, while I was still with my ex-husband, but I didn’t tell Paul how I really felt. That is one of my biggest regrets.

A few months after we first started talking, Paul put “Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin)” on his MySpace Playlist, dedicated to me. I still cry every time I hear this song. I LOVE YOU!!

Paul H. Benedict

Sept. 21, 1983 - Dec. 15, 2007

Paul H. Benedict, 24, Altoona, died Saturday at Altoona Regional Health System, Altoona Hospital Campus, as the result of a motorcycle accident. He was born in Abington, Pa., son of Park H. and Marilyn (Settle) Benedict.

He is survived by his mother, Marilyn, and stepfather, Lynn Lafferty, both of Altoona; one daughter, Anna Marie Benedict; three brothers: Joey and wife, Valerie, in Florida, Shawn of Altoona and Scott Evans of White Haven, Pa.; two stepbrothers: Dustin and Damien Lafferty of Altoona; and grandparents: Mary and Gerald Settle of Altoona.

He was preceded in death by his father; and a son, Christian Parker Benedict.

Paul was a subcontractor in the Altoona area.

He was a graduate of Altoona Area High School.

He enlisted in the U.S. Army and was honorably discharged because of health reasons.

Paul enjoyed bowling, golfing, baseball, shooting clay pigeons, video games and riding his motorcycle.

I came upon something interesting, that will analyze family pictures of the mother, father and child and tell you if the baby looks more like the mom or dad.

This is HELLA funny!!!
There was a running gag between me and Paul that Anna should have been mine, bcz she looks like me, and she’d fit in with my kids’ birthday pattern….

I have 3 kids, and Paul had Anna. Put them together and you get this:
Aurora (3-19), Aryann (10-4), Anna (3-20), and Andrew (10-24).

I was bored out of my mind, and decided to see how true that was. This is what I came up with……………….

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity - Collage - Morph

I still love Paul, to this day, but since he’s dead, I had to come to terms with that. I still love him, he has a place in my heart, but I’m with someone else, someone that I was with in high school, someone that is good for me, loves me, and who I love back.

I’m really happy now, and I haven’t been actually happy in a very long time.

Well, I’ve talked your ears off enough for today.

Free to be me!

}{pixie}{

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