I haven’t been able to post in a while, though I prolly haven’t been missed. LOL But anyways, I haven’t had much time on the computer at all. Almost none, as a matter of fact. Even now, I’m not on the computer at home, I’m using my fiancée’s sister’s laptop. The reason that I haven’t had much computer time is simple, and yet very complicated. Simple, two words, and yet the meaning behind those two words, and the story to go with it, is unbelievably complicated.

Simple, two words: Brother, Mother.

Complicated: Long story. Here’s the semi-condensed version.

I have 3 brothers (one that I don’t actually claim) and a shit load of adopted siblings. My brothers are all younger than me, strike one. My brother, Meatball (LOL another long story) is my mother’s favorite, strike two. Meatball hates me, strike three, I’m out.

Meatball has hated me since almost birth. He has been my mom’s favorite since birth. I think part of the reason is I am a lot like her, only not the “good” parts. The “good” parts he got. At least she thinks so. That and I was a “keep a nigga baby”, and he was not. I shit you not, I was a “keep a nigga baby”. Maybe you know what that means, maybe you don’t. I’ll explain. A “keep a nigga baby” is when the woman gets pregnant to “fix” the relationship, or the man, or both. My case was both. My mom’s reasoning behind getting pregnant was this: “Maybe if I get pregnant, the baby will fix things. Maybe he’ll stop cheating on me, his wife, with every piece of pussy he can get his hands on. Maybe he’ll stop beating me bloody and putting me in the hospital. Maybe he’ll treat me right, instead of telling me to fuck his friend. Maybe he’ll actually come home.”

Well, it didn’t work. On the night before I was born, my biological father (who I also do not claim, he’s not my dad. My dad is the man who was actually there, who raised me), rolled over and went back to sleep when my mom told him she was in labor. Then, when they finally did go to the hospital late the next morning, my biological father “went to get Taco Bell” for my mom. He came back to her three days later. He was out fucking this bitch named Delores. He was not there for my birth, bcz his dick had other ideas, and he thought with his little head, not the one on his shoulders. I know that they say that the male body only has enough blood to work one head at a time, but COME ON NOW!! I mean, fucking really!!

What the fuck??

 Your first child is being born, the first girl in 47 generations on your side, and you choose to cheat on your wife?!?!?!?!?!?

Anyways, Meatball is my mom’s favorite, he always has been, and it is unlikely that it will change. She even admits that he is her favorite. She will believe anything he says, seriously, unless she knows for a fact that he is wrong, and even then it usually doesn’t matter, she still goes for it. If he tells her that the grass is blue and the sky is green, she’ll go for it. He is her “perfect” child, her little golden boy, her apple polisher. AS far as she is concerned, the sun shines out of his ass. And he kisses her ass like there is no tomorrow. I will not kiss her ass. Or anyone else’s, for that matter. I will not bow down, I will not be broken, I will not be anything but what I am. She hates that, and always has. She still cannot accept me for who I am, she still wants me to be different, she wants me to change, to be perfect in her eyes. I WILL NOT!!

I AM ME, DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!! LOVE

ME, HATE ME, GET OVER IT, I

DON’T CARE. IF YOU DON’T LIKE

ME, DON’T TALK TO ME. Plain and simple.

That is her philosophy as well as mine. Gee, I wonder where I got it from.

I am all of her misdeeds and failures come to being, looking her in the face, with a face almost identical to hers. I am all of her fuck ups, all of her problems, all of the bad things she has done or wants to do, all of the things about her that she hates. I am her, when she was my age, with a few exceptions. One: I am not a drug addict like she was, and I’m not into the” life”, the chaos, the stealing, the robbing, murder, the lying, the insanity. Two: I have three children. Three: My children were taken from me and adopted out, she gave me up to her mother.

Meatball told her this very morning “I’ll get a job when I damn well please.” If I told her that she’d try to fight me, and I’d have to beat her ass like I did the last time she tried. I don’t want to do that, and I’m trying my hardest not to have anything like that happen. But she keeps on it, bitching at me, nagging at me, telling me that I’m not good enough, yelling at me, hounding me, bothering me every chance she gets, giving me a “gibs” (a slap upside the back of the head). She is hounding me to “get a job” not caring that I already have one, plus two part time/spare time “jobs”, or that I need computer time to work. Yet she doesn’t hound him about getting a job, “Because he’s enrolled in school, he’s just waiting for the semester to start.” I am also enrolled in school, waiting for the semester to start, but the difference is, I know when my classes start, he doesn’t know when his start.

I am hardly ever on the computer bcz Meatball is always on it, on MySpace and StickCam. He’s just fucking around, being a douche bag, like always. And she doesn’t care. She told me today that every time she comes over, I’m on the computer, on MySpace, doing nothing. She’s not taking into account that whenever she sees me on the computer, I just barely got on (literally less that two minutes before), or I have been working and putting in applications for a 9 to 5 for hours. I have sent in more than 500 applications for 9 to 5 jobs in the past month, and I haven’t been on the computer much. That is a lot of work, just to look for work.

Bcz what I do isn’t good enough. I sell Computer Tech Support. And I do this, the blogging. And I sell for PartyLite. None of that is good enough for her. And I have to do what she wants, bcz I am staying at her house with my fiancée. If I don’t, I have to go, And I have nowhere to go.

I was recently homeless, bcz of my ex-husband. I’m just getting back on my feet, and she is “here to help”, but all this isn’t helping!! Bitching at me every chance she gets, hitting me, yelling at me, downgrading me, THAT’S NOT HELPING!!!!

Plus I’m supposed to be keeping track of her stuff, dealing with her shit with Dad, they broke up on the 9th of July, two days before my birthday; she had me, my fiancée, and one of our friends move ALL of her shit out of Dad’s. She has a whole house full of shit, and not furniture either, and I’m supposed to keep track of all of it and know where it all is. And she has called me many times to yell at me for HER LOSING HER STUFF. Like I’m SUPPOSED to know what she did with it, or what Meatball did with her ATM card that she let him use. I’ve never even touched it.

Mom and Dad have a cycle. They’ll be together for 3 or 4 months, living together at Dad’s, then they’ll break up, he’ll kick her out. Two weeks later they are back together. As always, it happened just like that. Now they are back together, getting Handfasted ( a Pagan wedding ceremony).

I can’t take much more of this. Her and her shit, my brother and his shit, being a dick all the time, people eating our (me and my fiancée) food, our stuff slowly disappearing or being fucked with or moved whenever we leave the house. I can’t do this for much longer. I’m stuck, I have nowhere to go. I can’t stay, but I can’t go either. I don’t know what to do.

Shit. Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

 FUCK FUCK !!!!!!!

I’m stuck, and I HATE being fucking stuck!! I was stuck for almost 5 fucking years with my ex-husband, isolated, no friends, no family, no phone, no money, nowhere to go even if I had money, and no way to get anywhere if I did have money or somewhere to go.  Now I’m stuck again, nowhere to go, but unable to stay.  Not without flipping out on her, anywany.  Or my brother.  Or one of my adopted brothers.  Or my fiancée.  SOMEONE!  When I reach that point, I really don’t care who gets it.  And I can’t really stop it once it starts, not until its over.

This song really fits what I’m feeling right now.  “I’m So Sick” by Flyleaf.

As always, Thanks for listening.

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On June 25th, 2008, Kathy Lee Gifford called Pagans “…the nasty, bad pagans…” on the Today show. Regardless of whether it was Kathy Lee Gifford (a non-respected person) or Katie Couric (a very respected former member of the Today Show, what was said was still rude, thoughtless, tasteless and deserved a public apology ON THE TODAY SHOW, nationally broadcasted. I am a pagan, and I took great offense to that careless remark from that ignorant, washed up, twit Kathy Lee Gifford. If she had made a remark like that about christians, the whole country would be in an uproar, and an apology would have been formally issued the very next Today Show, at the latest, if not during that show. She went past politically correct, through faux pas and straight into INSULT. There was no cause for that remark, and even if she was trying to be funny it failed miserably, touching on such a controversial subject as religion like that.

This “nasty, bad” pagan is quite upset! That is defamation of character, and grounds for a lawsuit against the Today Show. Not only did that upset me, but it hurt me. I have been fighting comments like that for nearly my whole life. My mother is also Pagan, and she was offended as well. Many of the people that I call my friends, people that I talk to are Pagans as well. None of us are “nasty” or “bad”.

If that horrible woman knew anything about Pagans, she wouldn’t have said those things. Unless, as I think is true, she is an opinionated, closed-minded woman with an unjust prejudice against religions other than her own.

Below in the articles, you can find several versions of the video clip of Kathy Lee Gifford’s thoughtless, rude insult to Pagans all across the globe.

Here are some other articles regarding this outrageous insult:

Kathie Lee Gifford owes Pagans an

Apology

Courtesy of: Newsvine

News Type: Event — Fri Jun 27, 2008 2:03 PM EDT
religion
Shirley L.

 

Kathie Lee, you spoke the other day without any regard to the “modern day” Pagan Community. Your comments, at our expense, were completely without merit and flatly and categorically denied by the Pagan Community. Did you even know that there was a modern day Pagan Community? I am filled with great pride and respect for the Pagans who came before me who paved the way for me to write this article in a public forum, for all to see, without fear of retribution.

 

Before you cast aspersions for our ilk, perhaps you may wish to know who we are. We are teachers, doctors, lawyers, common folk. We are Nielson raters, we are consumers, we are boycotters, picketers, and voters. We are your neighbors, your police officers, your service men and women. We cry, we feel, we bleed and we reason. It is unthinkable that you would choose the same words to use toward Christians, even given their violent histories, is it not? Yet, you never batted an eye lash when you chose your words to cast disparaging shadows upon Pagans.

 

Be mindful that we are everywhere and we matter. If not to you, to one another. A sincere apology would be in order, but better still, an education on what precisely a Pagan is, may be a better way for you to make amends. Educate yourself so that you might educate others. Consider who we are before casting your aspersions upon our community. Some of us died for your freedoms. Sargent Patrick Stewart - Brave to the end, died in the war and our government was attempting to thwart his grieving widow’s ability to place a pentacle upon his head stone. Why? For the same reason you didn’t bat an eye lash. Sargent Stewart was not a “nasty” Pagan, when he placed his own life down for your’s and mine, equally. Suppose that were your son, Cody? The shoe on the other foot pinches, does it not?

 

An apology, please.

 

Pagan News: Kathy Lee Gifford’s

“Pagan Comment”

Courtesy of: WordPress

 

I found this interesting. In this video clip , Kathy Lee Gifford , a (minor? I’d never heard of her) American television show host/actress makes a comment about “The pagans, the nasty, bad, pagans…”

 

I have to say, the choice of language is a little… sad. As a NeoPagan, and a proud one at that, I’m agreeing with Jason Pitzl-Waters and saying that, personally, I’m really not offended, and not just because her manner of “insulting” us is by calling us “nasty” and “bad”. If I was, say, four, then yes, perhaps I would be offended. But as it stands, I have to say that I disagree with (and find a little sad) the reaction of the general NeoPagan community, who are stating that Gifford’s comment, clearly not thought out, amounts to “hate speech”.

 

Why are we offended by the remarks of a woman who is clearly of sub-par intellect? Are we really that desperate to “prove” our persecution by secular society that we find it necessary to voice (over)reactionary, knee-jerk responses? Why are we wasting time trying to protest this stupidity, when there are plenty of real cases of discrimination occurring every day?

 

I agree that all discriminatory comments, no matter how stupid they are, are unacceptable. That doesn’t mean I’m going to take to court the next idiot who tells me that my religion isn’t real/valid. There’s such a thing as choosing your battles (I can think of better ones, the case of legal and political discrimination in the UK for a start), and I really don’t think these calls to petition and letter-write in order to try and “make” Gifford apologise to NeoPagans are the best use of our time and effort. We’d be better off fighting the more pressing issues of legal, political or religious discrimination, like that mentioned above, or trying to better our image in the public eye by promoting ourselves as rational human beings, rather than reactionary extremists who fly off the handle at the first signs of criticism (as is true of all extremist factions of any religion). Ring talkback radio shows and point out that perhaps Gifford’s television coaches should provide her with a better vocabulary, since she’s clearly not going to bother learning anything about what she’s talking about.

 

 

Thank You, Kathy Lee Gifford

Courtesy of: WitchVox

Author: Sandy Lareau [a WitchVox Sponsor]
Posted: July 1st. 2008
Times Viewed: 6,185

On Wednesday, 25 June 2008, Kathy Lee Gifford expressed her opinion about pagans. It wasn’t very good. In fact, she called us nasty, bad pagans. At approximately minute 4:40 in the segment, you can hear her reading options off a card and she stated, “Pagans … the nasty, bad pagans believed it was bad luck to carry metal on your right side.”

She called us nasty, bad pagans on the Today show, a nationally broadcast program. I was actually shocked.

You can view it here .

I was so shocked that I wrote an email to the Today staff. I kept it respectful but strong. In my email, I asked that they have Ms. Gifford issue an apology. In another part of my email, I asked what they thought would happen if Ms. Gifford had said, “Jews … the nasty, bad Jews believed it was bad luck to carry metal…” She’d probably be slapped with a lawsuit so hard that her ancestors would say, “ouch!”

I’m worried that the Today show will do nothing.

I’m worried that they will do nothing because we don’t have a public voice. I’m worried that she will issue some lame statement saying that she was referring to some obscure ancient sect or some other nonapology-apology. I’m afraid it will get buried on an obscure Today show Webpage. They can slander us nationally, but they tend to apologize quietly and without ceremony.

Look at what happened last year when the Lady Liberty League won Wiccan veterans the right to have pentacles on their headstones. Nothing that the Lady Liberty League does makes national news, but it should. That win was a huge, huge win for us!

So, how do we stand up to this most recent slander? It’s difficult when so many of us are “in the broom closet.” We’re afraid to stand out and stand up and protest in public because we might lose our jobs. Our kids. Our good standing in the communities in which we live. We are not heard because not enough of us speak out publicly because we are afraid of retaliation and negative retribution. I’m just as guilty as the rest.

I think something is changing, though. I think I’m starting to get more pissed off than afraid. I’m starting to think that maybe being out wouldn’t be so bad. People know me as a hard working, responsible citizen. Without shoving it down their throats, could I also be known as a pagan? Could I make a difference in their opinions of us? When I volunteer at the women’s shelter, should I let my pentacle hang out of my shirt? What if we all did just a little bit?

I don’t know, friends. I’m starting to believe that I’ve been hiding too long. I’m starting to think that we deserve to be out. We deserve to be open about our religions. We deserve to be apologized to when slandered on national television.

I’m starting to believe that it would be OK to lose my job for something I believe in so strongly. I don’t want to lose my job. I can probably get another job. But, I’m really established in my job. Do you go around in circles like this, too?

I’m guilty of hiding. I’m guilty of being afraid.

I WANT to swear to you, that from this day forward, I will hide no longer. I’m afraid to swear it. I want to wear my most tasteful pentacle to work. I’m afraid to wear it. I want to talk openly and casually with my colleagues about everything, including religion. I’m afraid I won’t get promoted when they find out that I am a Wiccan. And what will the customer think?

I’ve been keeping my religion hidden at work so that I do not offend anyone. Why am I doing that? Christians wear their crosses, Jewish men wear their Yamakas, and Shiite men wear turbans and the women veils. None of them worry about offending anyone. They are true to themselves. Why is it not ok for us to be true to ourselves?

I want to be out.

Goddess Mother, please help me find the strength to be out, to be respected for my differences as I respect others for theirs, and to be appreciated for my courage. I want to put my face out there for the whole world to see! Work is just going to have to deal with the fact that they have a witch on staff. That’s it.

I’m going to put my face on my column in the next issue of the magazine. I’m going to wear my pentacle to work once in a while. I’m going to do it, yes, but I’m going to do it slowly. I don’t want shock value, I want acceptance. I’m making a commitment to you, dear reader, and to myself. I’m coming out.

I’m going to get up really early and call the Today show on Monday (they’re on the east coast, I’m on the west coast). I’m going to try to find out just exactly what they plan to do about this, and I’m going to try to get a telephone interview with Jim Bell, the Executive Producer. Why not? Why have a magazine if I’m not going to use it to help the community?

Thank you, Ms. Gifford, for helping me get off my tush and for motivating me to make a positive change, and to stand up to you and people like you. Thank you Lord and Lady for giving me the courage to try to create positive change for the pagan community!

What about you? Will you join me? Will you help me stand up to people like Kathy Lee Gifford? Will you try to be more “out?” Please let me know what you think and what you plan to do by sending me an email: editor@modernwitchmagazine.com.

Blessings and best regards,

Sandy Lareau

 

 

 

If you are even half as

outraged as I am, please

go here to sign the

petition to NBC for a

formal apology. Thank

you.

 

 

 

 

As always, thanks for listening, Y’all!!

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